The Telegraph app and how it broke me before the end of my complimentary trial period
A month was too much to bear
One day as part of my (intermittent) self improvement plan, I thought I would see how the other half lived.
Full disclosure: I am probably now most close to what most people would call a bleeding heart liberal although I am pretty certain in the past people have labeled me variously, waster, b*st*rd and all stripes in between. In truth, I believe I’m more than just one label, and I know that holds for everyone else. So as an aside, please remember when I say “those guys are idiots” I really mean that’s how they behave in that context: outside of work you might get on like a house on fire.
So, anyways to improve myself, I thought I’d install the Telegraph app. It’s a paid for app that gives you access to the online version of the august British publication the (Daily) Telegraph. I decided I knew enough about my cancer risks to forgo bothering with the Daily Mail.
This was well before the BREXIT farrago, and before the TRUMP bandwagon hove into view, so many things had not happened:
- A wall on the southern border had not been promised
- Syrian toddlers had not been photographed washing up on European shores
- A British MP had not been murdered in the street
And yet, I could not stay the course.
I would read the presented articles and all I could feel was sympathy for the people who felt they had to read those pieces.
Opening the app, there was a barely audible noise emitted by the phone; when I swiped the app away it stopped. What was it? Malfunctioning video? No, for all the world it sounded like a … dog whistle … ?
Here’s what the online version chose to present to me today as top tags.
Maybe the columnists section will shed some light http://www.telegraph.co.uk/opinion/columnists
It’s an odd mix.
Allow to summarise for you.
- People who are not pro or resigned to THE UNKNOWABLE EVENT THAT HAS NOT HAPPENED are in denial. Repeat for Brexit/trump election/the rapture.
- Jailing rapists puts all men at risk.
- X needs to shut up (but please keep up the good work)
- “What gender equality crisis?” (plus improvised variations on the theme in G minor)
- Free speech (but see the “shut up” clause)
- Parliament is a cosy club (by A.N. MP)
- Pretty sensible straight talk by Allister Heath (seriously, how long is he going to last?)
- Tidal power is OK! Wind power not so much!
- Art history for fun and profit!
- Climate change is [not an issue/not caused by X/not going to be fixed by those lefty wusses]
- Something about immigrants (not, not migration)
- The banks will be fine, folks
- Also stop bashing the banks
- I’m going to tell you that you are qualified to decide on topic Z upon which I also have no expertise.
- Liam Fox is not mad
- Michael Gove is not mad
- The EU! EU! (Please noone mention Churchill) EU!
- I don’t know much about city living, but it’s high time something was done…
- Some marijuana advocacy creepy in there
- BREXIT will be absolutely terrific no matter what, but just in case, here are my tips to get the best deal from that hand. Don’t tell the EU negotiators.
I started this article intending to take the moral high ground and explain my concerns like a grown up. However I realised tilting at windmills is no good here. Also they did get there first, so fair play to them for that.
There’s only one response to this, which is to treat it to the ridicule it so richly deserves.
I won’t be addressing the coarsening of the debate, the naked self interest as religion and lack of empathy expressed by the very well remunerated / comfortably off.
All I can say, is that after undertaking to read it thoroughly every day to improve my insights, I finally uninstalled the app after a couple of weeks and have never looked at the paper again.
I just couldn’t bear it and I wonder what it does to people who do continue to read it.
